The Irish People Purchase an Umbrella

The Irish people came in today. The Irish guy bought a samurai sword umbrella because “It’s always raining in Ireland.” He had me count his change for him because he didn’t know how American coins worked. For some reason I figured out his girlfriend was Irish first, I could hear her accent better. The guy found the umbrella and kept saying, “Kick ass! KICK ASS!” and sounded American. It wasn’t until he opened his palm full of change and said, “I don’t know what’s going on with this,” that I realized he was Irish too.

 

I wanted to say something like, I’m like three-quarters Irish. Or, I’ve been watching Father Ted—brilliant! Or, Take me with you, Irish people. Take me to the Motherland, or at least the Motherland that’s primarily responsible for me. I wanna go to a place that’s green and always raining. I want to use an umbrella again. Pack me in your suitcase, put me on the next AerLingus or British Airways or whatever airline goes to your land, I want to go there too.

 

I wonder what brought them to museum. That would’ve been perfectly acceptable to ask. But I didn’t, because I was too busy thinking about how I could sneak into their luggage to make normal chitchat with the Irish people.